Ask Genevieve
Welcome to my premier column for e-Fido.net! My full name is Genevieve Highpoint la Reine, but I allow my friends to call me Genevieve. I'm a three-year-old papillon, and a published author. You can check out my book, "Memoirs of a Papillon: The Canine Guide to Living with Humans without Going Mad," at www.gvieve.com. It is a scathing expose about humans, and I made my own human, Denny Fried, translate it from dog into English. I also made him type it, because I didn't want to get carpal paw syndrome.
Not to scratch my own back or anything, but the truth is that I know a great deal about everything. And as a public service, I've decided to share some of my knowledge with you by way of my column, "Ask Genevieve." I invite both canines and humans to e-mail me with questions, and I will answer as many of them as I can in my column. (E-mails from cats will not be answered.) My e-mail address is askgenevieve@yahoo.com.
In addition to answering questions, if I happen to be ticked off about something I'll write about that, too. And I happen to be ticked off about something right now. Why is it that in Europe, dogs are welcome guests at the dinner table, even in nice restaurants, and here in the U.S. they won't let us get within a half-mile of a hot-dog cart? Health code enforcement, they say. Oh, I see. And I suppose that the Europeans are all keeling over from dog-borne illness?
And we dogs can die on the battlefield and help policemen fight crime in the streets, but we're not allowed in government buildings. In fact, I was just kicked out of the post office the other day. I was completely enclosed in a little carry bag that Denny had on his shoulder, and a mail worker got postal about it and ordered us out. She must have thought I was a bomb disguised as a papillon.
You can bet I'm going to dog my congressman about this.
Well, enough about my pet peeve of the day. I'm sure you want to know more about me. I was born in Venice, Florida, on December 19, 1997. My mother is named Chloe, and my father, Calvin, but he abandoned my mom shortly after meeting her so I don't want to talk about him. Sharon, my first human, kept putting newspapers down in the pen for me and my brother and sister to read, which whelped my desire to be a writer.
At only eight weeks old I left home to become the trainer of Denny and Katrina in their home in Sarasota. It did not take long at all for me to assert total dominance of my new pack, although Katrina did put up a spirited -- but futile -- battle. Denny was a pushover from the start, having figured that it didn't matter much which female ruled.
On my first birthday Denny and Katrina threw a catered party for me. (This, Denny says, is a good definition of disposable income.) As part of the thank-you to the guests that came, I wrote up a funny little account of the party. Katrina also posted it to some doggy newsgroups she frequents. We got a lot of e-mail asking if I had any other stories. Of course I did, and every once in a while I'd wake up from my daylong nap and write another. Eventually people started asking if my stories were from a book. I didn't want to disappoint my ever-growing fan base, so I got serious and wrote my book.
Now I do a lot of travelling to do pawtograph sessions at bookstores, and I’m interviewed on TV a lot. I usually let Denny do the talking though, because he has a background in stand-up comedy and thinks he's funny.
Well, enough for now. Denny and Katrina just went into the kitchen, so I have to get in there quick. Let me hear from you - I just love attention!
Kibbles and Kisses,
Genevieve
Genevieve is the canine author of "Memoirs of a Papillon: The Canine Guide to Living with Humans without Going Mad." Her website is http://www.gvieve.com, and she invites all canines and humans to email questions for her column to askgenevieve@yahoo.com.